Thank You
by altwriter
Summary: She needs to talk to him before she's gone for good. Spoilers for 6x17 'Valhalla'. Slight H/P. Oneshot.


Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds.

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I don't know what to say. This isn't beautifully written, because Emily's departure on March 16 will not be a beautiful event. I just needed to write something for a follow-up to 'Valhalla', and I'm upset with the lack of Hotch/Emily moments. So, here you go. I hope you like it.

How are we supposed to wait two weeks?

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The knock on his door was unexpected. But, after that day, he was having a bit of trouble distinguishing between what was to be expected and what wasn't, because the earlier events had him in a bit of a tizzy. The case had escalated from a suspected murder-suicide to _this_: Emily and Morgan having been shot at, the tattoo, and now, Emily's obvious involvement. She'd walked out, and none of them knew where she'd gone, or, if they'd ever see her again.

He couldn't handle that. Jack was tucked away in bed, and he'd poured himself a glass of scotch and sat down to watch some mindless television—anything to get his mind off of what was happened. He'd tried her cell multiple times, but she hadn't picked up, and so he'd given up in trying to contact her. He wouldn't go to her apartment, for fear of intruding on her when he knew she wouldn't appreciate it. And now, that knock at his door was yet another disturbance to sum up his shitty day, though he was sure it was nothing compared to Emily's.

Speak of the devil. There she stood, where he could see her through the peephole, her lips drawn into a thin line. Quickly, he disengaged the security system and drew back the deadbolt, flinging open the door in his haste. He spoke breathlessly,

"Prentiss?"

"Hotch." Her face was void of emotion, her voice deadpan.

"I—come in." He stepped aside, and she moved into his apartment. He shut the door behind her, securing it before he turned to her. She stood there, picking apart the skin of her cuticles, staring at the floor. "Emily, I thought—you left. You left the BAU. I thought we weren't going to see you again."

Their eyes locked, and he could see that hers were red-rimmed, and her lip trembled just the slightest bit. She completely ignored his question, instead saying, "I just wanted to thank you, Hotch."

"I don't understand."

"You were the only one to not hound me about what's going on. I appreciate it."

And they stood there, staring at each other, for a long while, until he broke the silence.

"That's not why you're here, Emily. Tell me what's going on."

But she shook her head, running a hand through her hair, then over her face, wiping away some of the wetness that had gathered at the corners of her eyes. "I can't, you know that."

"Whatever is going on, you don't have to go through it alone. We can help, Emily, if you'll just tell us."

"Morgan already tried that. It's not going to work." She pursed her lips, smoothing down her coat—doing anything to avoid perpetuating a conversation that she wasn't nearly ready to have. "I came here to say goodbye."

He ignored the latter statement. "Morgan told me you, ahem, vomited at the crime scene. That's not like you." He took a tentative step forward, suddenly very aware of her every move—the way she continued to glance out the window, as if she were afraid someone would sneak up on the two of them, and the way she avoided his gaze. "You've always been the strong one, Emily, and I hate to see you like this. I can't imagine what you've been through, what your connection to this case is, but I promise you, I'll help you get through it. I won't let you destroy yourself by trying to do this all alone."

"Hotch, just _stop_." She moved toward the door, shaking her head. "I shouldn't have come."

He reached forward, taking a gentle hold of her arm. "Please, Emily. Tell me. Tell me what I can do to help."

"I already told you—you can't do _anything_. This is my battle, and I won't drag you or anyone else into it. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if any of you got hurt because of me." Her expression softened further, and he could see that she was on the verge of breaking down completely. "But I couldn't leave without saying goodbye. You can't tell anyone else about this." She pinched the bridge of her nose, squeezing her eyes shut. "Oh god, Reid's going to be absolutely heartbroken, and—"

"Emily, listen to me." He placed his hands on her shoulders, holding her at an arm's length from him. "Are you saying that you're never coming back? That this is goodbye forever? And, why me?"

"That's the plan, yeah." She tried to pull away from his grasp, but he held on tighter. It felt like a nightmare to him, hearing her say these things. "I won't be able to come back, not after this is all over. You won't have to worry about me ever again."

"Not worry about you? Emily, I've been worried about you ever since you began acting strangely. It's been weeks."

She smiled—a sad, knowing smile. "And that's why you're the one I told, because you knew to keep your distance. You knew to leave me alone about it all, and, to be honest, you're the one I trust the most on the team. I trust that you won't tell the others about this."

"But you don't trust me enough to let me help you."

"It's not that, Hotch." Her tongue ran over her lips, and her teeth bit down nearly hard enough to draw blood. "I value your life more than I trust you. Because, if I tell you at all what's going on—if you try to help, he'll kill you. He'll kill you, and the rest of the team."

He wasn't going to be able to change her mind, he could see that now. But she had come here for a reason, even after deserting the team—even after he knew she felt like an outsider, like she'd been isolated because of what was happening. He could only try his best to help her in any way he could.

"Fine," said Hotch, "don't tell me. But don't just say goodbye and leave, either. I can't have that, Emily. I can't have you just walk away, and that be it. I..care about you too much." He swallowed against the lump in his throat.

"I don't want to, Hotch. I don't want to leave you all—to leave the family that I've been with ever since I joined the BAU. But you're too important for me to put into any kind of danger."

"You keep saying that." He paused, let one of his hands drop back down to his side, while the other cupped her cheek. It was a surprisingly intimate gesture from him, one that she hadn't been expecting, and yet she leaned into his touch, closing her eyes. "How can I help you?"

Her voice was lowered quite a few decibels, so that it was nearly inaudible. "Just be here. Let me thank you for everything you've done, for being there when I needed you. For being here now." Then, she added, "And for letting me go when I need to."

"Anything, Emily." And he pulled her into his arms, grasping onto her, holding her against him, because there would be no boundaries between them now. He hadn't realized how vital she was to the team, and to him, until she'd disappeared from the bullpen, and now, it was becoming all the more painfully apparent. "I don't want this to be goodbye."

"Neither do I."

Silence permeated the room after that, as they gripped onto each other for dear life, as Emily sobbed silently into his chest. He could feel her tears through his shirt, and he pulled her closer, not knowing what to say anymore. When she at last pulled away, he whispered,

"Emily..Stay. Just stay tonight, please. I need to know you'll be safe."

"I can't give you that." She ran her hands over her eyes, further smearing her makeup. "I'm so sorry, Hotch. But, I promise, this is all going to be over soon."

"Please, Emily, I need to know that you'll be alright."

"I'll try, Hotch, I will." Her words were cryptic—they had been ever since she'd stepped into his apartment—and they struck him to his very core. This cruel twist of fate had ripped the carpet from beneath his feet, and now he wasn't sure why his world had been turned upside down, only that, because Emily would now be gone from it, he wasn't sure how to deal with it. "Don't chase after me."

He said nothing, only moved to open the door as she stepped toward it. He tried again, one hand on the doorknob, the other moving to her shoulder. "Stay, Emily. It doesn't have to end this way. You have a chance to make this right."

"I know you don't see it how I do, but this _is_ right. I'm doing what I need to keep you all safe." And she leaned forward, and pressed her lips to his cheek for a moment. "Thank you, Hotch."

She disappeared into the hall, taking what little peace of mind he had had left with her. He couldn't believe he was watching her go, and yet he couldn't think of anything to say to make her stay. But, he knew one thing for sure:

This wasn't the end. This wasn't the last time he was going to see Emily Prentiss. Despite her wishes, and her adamant requests, he wasn't about to let her go out on her own. Fiercely stubborn, Emily wasn't going to let this happen easily, and she was making sure of that. But Hotch was equally as stubborn, and he was going to do whatever it took to make sure this ended well for her, even if she hated him for interfering afterward.

Because her life was worth more than anything else.


End file.
